Resume-speak infects the world of mercenaries.

I’m reading about mercenaries (I’m sorry – “Private military companies”) and something that keeps making me laugh is the horrible Corporatese these companies use to describe what they do. Here’s how Xe (then Blackwater) described itself a few years ago:

We are not simply a “private security company.” We are a turnkey solution provider for 4th generation warfare. We assist with the development of national and global security plans, train, equip and deploy public safety and military warriors, build combat live-fire indoor/outdoor ranges, MOUT facilities and shoot houses, create ground and aviation operations and logistics support packages, develop and execute canine solutions for patrol and explosive detection, and can design and build facilities both domestically and in austere environments abroad.

Develop and execute canine solutions.

DEVELOP AND EXECUTE CANINE SOLUTIONS.

Does anybody read this stuff before they publish it? Can you work for Xe if you have a sense of the ridiculous? Do they make you take some kind of test before they hire you?

THE MAN IN THIS PICTURE IS NOT WEARING PANTS, BUT YOUR BOSS JUST TOLD YOU THAT HE IS.

IS THE MAN IN THE PICTURE

a) WEARING PANTS
b) WEARING PANTS
c) WEARING PANTS
d) WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF COMMUNIST?

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Resume-speak infects the world of mercenaries.

  1. DougJ says:

    Canine Solutions – I think Dogbert works there.

  2. This blog should feature more of Elana’s made-up multiple-choice questions.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s